Vacation
by McStaken
Summary: Piper convinces Blue that she's owed a vacation - The other companions think she's gone missing. Chaos and hilarity will reign while she's gone . Request fulfilment for Historyman14.
1. Dead of night

**Chapter 1: holiday.**

Sanctuary Hills at night was quiet. Nobody wanted to waste the power the generators put out on domestic lights and nobody wanted the settlement lit up like a Christmas tree - Super mutants may not come this far north, but Raiders certainly did and they weren't picky about whose settlements they attacked; although come to think about it, the settlements that signed up to the Minutemen didn't get attacked nearly as much as the ones who hadn't. That was the thing about the rag-tag group's leader - news like her got around.

It wasn't surprising, therefore, to Piper Wright; star - and so far only - journalist of Publick Occurrences that the house she was sneaking up on was dark. She resisted the urge to look around guiltily - someone, somewhere could be watching and the last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to herself right now.

Althea Shapiro never locked her front door, which always made Piper tut in disbelief. Her front door was never locked - but the door to Shaun's room was locked _and_ bolted. That spoke more about priorities than it really should.

'Blue?' She called out as she eased into the living room and closed the door. 'You ready to go?'

There was a muffled answer from deeper in the house and Piper followed the noise. She found her in her meticulously neat bedroom, suitcase already on top of the made bed but open. Althea was currently at her desk and scribbling something on some of Piper's pulped paper. Beside her sat a halfway clean glass of whiskey. She looked up with that halo of black hair and smiled all the way up to her blue-green eyes when she saw the woman in the familiar red trenchcoat. 'I'm almost done.'

Piper sighed. She loved Althea to death, absolutely, but if she left her to her own devices, then the Sole Survivor would be in here writing what looked -to her trained eye - like a list of reminders and instructions til dawn and any hope they had of getting out of Sanctuary without a detour would be distinctly unlikely. Althea had a huge heart and Piper loved that about her - she just wished that sometimes Blue would say no to a few things and let them find their own way of doing it.

'Blue, whatever you're doing, stop right now and lets go.' Piper warned.

'But -' Thea seemed torn.

'The whole idea of this vacation is to let everybody else handle it for a change.' Piper reminded her. 'You're no good stressed out and even you agreed that you need this break.'

Althea seemed hesitant to leave the desk - or indeed the house judging by the half-packed suitcase. 'Piper, I'm not - are you sure they aren't going to ….implode without me?'

'Blue, give them some credit.' Piper replied.

'I'm afraid they might bankrupt me,' Thea murmured. She caught the confused look on Piper's face and elaborated 'It's an old bank joke.'

Piper put her hands on her hips, a tactic she had seen Thea do on more than one occasion when she came up against something or someone to butt heads with. 'You need this break, Thea. You've been running around looking after everyone else but who's looking after you?'

'I just don't feel comfortable up and leaving.' She sighed. 'I have a lot of responsibilities. I'm the leader of the Minutemen, part of the Brotherhood, helping Hancock keep the peace, Solving some of Nick's cases -'

'See?' Piper waved a hand. 'This is what I'm _talkin'_ about Blue! You're doing way too much. You. Need. A. Break. And I got us the perfect little place!'

That got Thea's attention. 'Really?'

Piper nodded. 'I know a guy who knows a guy who knows some people who came from an island close to the Atom Cats Garage. It's meant to be abandoned after a raider attack. An island to ourselves, Blue! Nothing but surf, sand, and serenity!'

'I haven't seen Zeke in a while.' Thea murmured to herself.

'Oh no! We are not getting drawn into doing something insane for other people - Again! This is vacation time, not helping time.'

The Sole Survivor sighed and leaned back in her chair. 'I get it, I get it.' She chided. 'But I'm taking Firecracker.'

Firecracker was her most beloved gun. An incendiary modded shotgun that stayed glued to her back no matter where she went. Piper also knew that Thea stashed it under her pillow at night - just in case. There was more than one incident of Piper having woken up eyeball to barrel with Firecracker. Getting her to part with that thing was going to be a deal-breaker. 'Alright.' She conceded. 'This _is_ the Commonwealth after all.'

That seemed to mollify the Sole Survivor somewhat. She finally put the paper down, finished off her drink and stood to close her battered, stained suitcase. 'This island,' She mused. 'It's near the Atom Cats, right?'

'Yep!' Piper agreed.

Thea _Hmmed_ in a preoccupied tone. 'Is there really nobody else there?'

'Not for miles, Blue! But we've gotta go _now_ before someone catches on that you're taking time off and lugs us with something.'

'Alright, alright.' Thea laughed and zipped up her suitcase. 'We'll go now.'

Piper bounced slightly, eager to get going as Thea picked up the suitcase and the note. Outside was as quiet as ever. The reporter fancied she could hear Preston's patrol on the other side of the settlement. She fancied she could hear Cait fighting with Codsworth over access to Thea's "secret" stash of booze and guns - newsflash: it really wasn't that secret - and the winds had shifted, bringing a taste of salt air.

They were heading out.

With the note attached to Thea's peeling front door - Piper took the Sole Survivor's free hand in her own and smiled. 'They won't even know we're gone, Blue.'

* * *

A/N: Historyman14 requested Piper and Althea disappear and the companions turn the Commonwealth upside down looking for her - in reality, she's on vacation. I hope the first chapter is everything he hoped for. Sorry it took me four months to get out!


	2. Missing

There was a schedule on which Sanctuary ran. The Longs were always the first ones up, tending to their crops. Codsworth would take whatever had already been harvested and cook breakfast while the rest of their rag-tag group pulled themselves out of whatever pit they'd fallen into during the night.

Codsworth was fastidious and while the rest of the settlement enjoyed a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs - although Brahmin bacon and Mirelurk eggs were hardly the same, he tried his best - Mum always preferred Sugar Bombs for breakfast no matter how often he reminded her that _that_ much sugar was hardly good for one's diet.

'Mum?' He called out and pushed the door to the family home open. 'I have your breakfast!' The robot wandered further into the house balancing the tray as best he could with his damaged thrusters, oblivious to the piece of paper that detached from the front door and fluttered onto the floor where it blew halfway under the dilapidated couch.

'Mum!' He announced and floated into the neat bedroom. Her usual dirty glass had been left on the desk, but the bed itself was empty. It looked like it hadn't been slept in. Had the mistress had some early morning business to attend to?

'Mum?' Codsworth called out again in anxiety. Goodness knows his time and date-keeping had slipped a bit in the 200 years of being on his own but he was excellent at keeping track of Mum's social and professional calendar. He ran the query again and again but came up blank, there should have been no reason for her absence.

Gently, the Mr Handy laid the tray down on the wonky and badly mended kitchen table before he floated out and began to head towards the Minuteman Local HQ - formerly known as the Rosa household. Codsworth was sure that the lovely family would not have minded the Minutemen using their former home as a base of operations but he did have to keep reminding them to wipe their boots and keep things neat and tidy.

Master Garvey and his cadre always kept Codsworth's mistress busy - The Minutemen were vital and needed and as their leader, Mum was always in demand. It seemed Master Garvey had just arrived at the local HQ. His boots - unwiped - were muddy and his weapon lay on the roughly mended table besides a map of the Commonwealth. He looked up from under the hat and smiled at the Mr Handy. 'Morning Codsworth.'

'Master Garvey, have you seen Mistress at all lately?' Codsworth asked carefully.

'No.' Preston replied. 'We've got a meeting this afternoon on some of the less defended settlements but nothing this early. Is something wrong?'

'Mistress has vanished!' Codsworth fretted, his eye stalks and attachments wildly jumping.

Preston snorted and looked up at the robot with some sympathy. 'I'm sure Thea's just found something else to happen to this morning.' He replied soothingly. 'If you want, we can ask around.'

'I am sure you're perfectly correct master Garvey, I just fret terribly when mum isn't there.' Codsworth sighed heavily.

'Don't we all.' The Minuteman agreed and picked up his laser musket. 'We'll ask around, see if there's been an emergency that she needed to go to - or maybe she's passed out drunk again in the Brahmin trough.' Preston mused. 'Wouldn't be the first time that's happened.'

'Mum's drinking is of concern.' Codsworth agreed 'But Mistress Piper has done a fine job of curtailing that.' He followed the Minuteman out of the room, noting the amount of muddy footprints on the tiled floor. Codsworth was going to have to have yet another word at some point about wiping their muddy boots before they entered a building.

Outside, the sun had barely crested the old houses and cast long morning shadows across the broken cul-de-sac. Codsworth followed Preston down the road towards one of the high towers that Mistress had built. Master MacCready had taken quite the shine to the towers and spent most of his time in them.

'MacCready!' Preston Garvey yelled loudly. There was the sound of crashing from up above. A foot poked out of one of the railings before it was drawn back. MacCready was well known to be one of mistresses advisors on the more organized Gunner gangs as well as being a dab hand with the more conventional sniper rifle. Master Garvey and Master MacCready didn't often get along, but they could and did for Mistress's sake.

'What the fu- _fudge,_ Garvey?' MacCready groaned. 'What time is it?'

'Seven.' Preston replied with the barest hint of a smirk. 'Breakfast time.'

There was a groan from the nest at the top of the tower. 'Whaddaya want?!'

'You were on nightshift last night, right?'

'So help me, Garvey I'm gonna kick your _ass_ if you keep asking stupid questions.' MacCready mumbled. ' _Yes_ , I was on nightshift last night.'

'You see anything noteworthy last night?'

There was a grumbled half-curse from up above and MacCready's pale, thin face accompanied by his favourite hat appeared over the railing. 'Why?' He demanded suspiciously.

'Codsworth here thinks something's happened to Thea.' Garvey shrugged.

'She didn't pass out in the Brahmin trough, if that's what you're asking.' MacCready said. 'There were a couple of raider patrols I scared off, some Molerats trying to dig under the fence again. I didn't see anybody leave last night but it got pretty foggy in the early hours.'

Preston frowned but accepted that it was more than likely MacCready was telling the truth. He may not be Preston's first idea of a trustworthy guard, but the Minuteman couldn't fault the way the man kept watch.

Codsworth meanwhile was fretting. The Mistress never failed to tell him where she was going and roughly how long the errand should take. For her to disappear suddenly without warning was making his servos go into overdrive.

'Is Valentine here?' Preston said.

'Do I look like border patrol?' MacCready snapped as his head disappeared from view. 'I'm going back to my nap.'

Master Garvey muttered something scathing under his breath about Master MacCready - Codsworth was almost positive. However, it was not his place to control Mistresses rabble - as she frequently reminded him when he lamented about the manners of her rag-tag group of friends.

'Lets call a settlement meeting.' Master Garvey decided and began his trudge to the siren at the centre of town - usually only used for public addresses or town-wide warnings of attacking forces. Those not already alerted and engaging the enemy were sure to be alerted by the whine of the siren.

Codsworth was not going to ask Master Garvey if part of his plan was also to disgruntle Master MacCready who appeared to wish to sleep. With that cacophony, it was sure not to happen, however Codsworth was suitably concerned enough to watch Preston flick the switch without complaint and waited as a low, humming whine grew until it could be heard from the whole settlement.

Gradually, people began to appear from the bunk-houses, the gardens or the stores. Even those not normally accustomed to being up this early had risen with the alarm - unhappily mind you.

'Now it's the _fudging_ siren?!' MacCready yelled as he approached, sniper-rifle slung over his back.

'Can't be helped, MacCready!' Preston Garvey shouted over the whine of the siren, but there was a hint of a smirk around his face as he said it.

'Turn it off!' Hancock bemoned as he staggered over, one hand clutched to his ear. 'It's killing my hangover.'

' _Your_ hangover?!' Cait replied in her Irish cadence from behind him. 'What about mine?'

'Is there something wrong, Monsieur Garvey?' Curie enquired as Hancock and Cait descended into an argument about whose chem hangover was worse and who had outdone the other in abusing them.

'Yes. The General's missing.' Preston replied as more and more people approached the muster point. The siren had been operating now for so long that anyone not already here was sure to be on their way. He turned it off to the relief of Hancock, MacCready and Cait.

'Missing as in -' Deacon raised his eyebrows so far up that they disappeared into his pompadour wig.

'As in not here, Deacon.' Preston frowned at him. 'Nobody's seen her leave.'

'She didn't fall into the Brahmin trough-' Hancock asked carefully. Preston shook his head.

Nick Valentine moved through the crowd like a wraith, lighting a cigarette as he did. He was the last one to arrive. Everyone moved for Nick. They may tolerate him - hell, they may even like him, but they still moved. It was something about that synthetic body of his that made you take a step back whether it was the first or the fortieth time you'd seen him. 'A missing Vault-dweller. No note, no reason.' The synth hummed.

'No reason yet.' Preston agreed.

'Ominous. Do you suspect foul play?' He asked as he took a long drag on the old-world cigarette. The crowd went silent. That idea hadn't yet entered into many minds - the ones that were even up to speed at this hour, mind you.

'Not yet. She could have just taken a walk.' Preston replied. 'Or been called out to an early mission.'

'The Brotherhood have no urgent missions at the moment, I would know.' Danse frowned.

'Strong know his brothers are not near here.' The mutant added. 'No fighting to be had.'

'The raiders were pretty easily scared off last night.' MacCready chipped in.

Preston agreed. 'Thea was supposed to have a meeting with us this afternoon.'

'So, no obvious reasons to leave and plans for later in the day.' Nick murmured. 'Sounds an awful lot like kidnap.'

A panicked susurration went through the crowd. Kidnap? It happened in settlements, accompanied by some demand - a ransom. Usually it was someone easily taken - but the Sole Survivor herself?

'Whaddaya suggest we do, then?' Hancock demanded. 'I'm not sitting on my ass waiting to get shaken down.'

'She could be hurt.' Curie nodded 'We need to find her.'

'I suggest we start some detective work - wear out some shoe leather getting the particulars.' Nick replied. 'Scout out the most likely targets.'

'That would take way too long. I say we beat it out of someone.' Cait smiled viciously and pounded her own fist.

'Strong like it.' The super mutant smiled, showing his rows of rotten teeth.

'If we try it that way, there's no guarantee they won't just kill her if they know we're looking.' Deacon pointed out. 'I agree with Nick. Make some quiet enquiries-'

'You're not gonna borrow my clothes again, I hope.' Hancock warned him. 'The last time you left burns in the sleeves!' The crowd descended into an argument.

Codsworth watched from beside the siren as people argued crossways about the best way to find and release Mistress from whatever cruel and unusual torture was being inflicted upon her as they spoke.

At this rate, they'd never get a definitive plan of action.

* * *

A/N: I love the way the companions interact, I really do. Had to cut quite a lot of reactions out, unfortunately because I can't write every companion's reaction to _everything_ but somehow MacCready stole the award for best lines.

Hello again Reviewers, favouriters, followers! Have a chapter! See you soon!


	3. Disappointment

**Chapter 3: Disappointment**

It was grey and cloudy when they arrived on the island. Althea had not been put in the best of moods by the fact the boat's motor had been almost completely rusted and needed repairs just to run, but now they were here. Standing on the grey sand, under a grey sky. She nudged a piece of rotting seaweed with her foot and looked out across the island.

At least the views were good?

'What is that awful smell?' Piper demanded as she glanced around the barren island.

'Mutant seaweed.' Thea replied as she scanned for and spotted a small shack further up the sand. Piper's little informants were clearly correct that someone - at some point - had lived here.

'When the old-world books talk about sun, sea and sand, they never mentioned the seaweed.' Piper grumbled. 'Or the smell.'

They never did. 'Lets see what we're working with.' Thea changed the subject, eager to get on with the holiday. 'There's a shack up that way we could check out.'

Piper squinted into the distance and smiled. 'See, Blue? This is going to be _great_.' She took a step forward and towards the shack ahead of them as a Mirelurk Razorclaw burst out from under the sand. There was no time for warnings - no time for alerting her to the danger, Thea just reacted. She tackled her girlfriend to the floor and rolled them both to a safe distance from it's claws as more and more Mirelurks appeared from out of the sand.

'I thought you said this place was abandoned after a raider attack!' Thea snarled as she grabbed firecracker off the holster on her back and rolled off of Piper to defend them. These were some big Mirelurks. They didn't seem put off by Firecracker, either.

'That's what I got told!' Piper snapped back as she got to her feet - her trusty pipe-pistol in her hands in an instant. 'Guess these guys moved in when the raiders moved out!'

'I hate Mirelurks, Piper!'

'Put on a pair of your big-girl panties and lets do this!' The reporter shot back as they became surrounded by a mob of the mutant crabs.

Oh she was going to _kill_ her girlfriend if they survived this encounter.

* * *

The first place any decent PI would look for a missing - possibly kidnapped person is the last place they were seen. He couldn't count the number of times their "missing" person had been found hiding/hog-tied in their own home. Nick knew after a careful scour of Sanctuary that Thea was not there. Why would she be if she had been taken by raiders? Logically, the next step would be looking for friends, family, to see if a ransom had been delivered to them. It was well known that the Sole Survivor and Piper Wright were close - if it wasn't known that they were together. Thea took her everywhere and when in Diamond City, usually preferred to stay in Publick Occurances with Piper, rather than the empty shell of her home.

The companions had split into groups. Cait, Danse, MacCready and Hancock were wanting to be proactive about finding her location - they were going to hit raiders and keep hitting raiders until someone told them where she was.

Nick, Deacon Preston and Strong meanwhile were going to gather as much information as possible before they tried anything.

Curie had opted to stay behind with Codsworth to keep him company and in case anyone needed medical treatment - which, to Nick's cynical viewpoint, they probably would.

Now the four found themselves wandering down the road towards Diamond City in an awkward silence.

'Strong wanted to go with Han-cock and tin can.' The mutant grumbled unhappily. 'But tin can said no!'

'Playground bullies can be so mean.' Deacon patted Strong on the arm helpfully. 'But hey - you get to help us!'

Strong sneered.

Nick was not looking forward to getting into Diamond City with a super mutant in tow. He himself was...tolerated, but he highly doubted he'd have the pull that their Sole Survivor had when it came down to letting Strong in the gates. Preston too was looking….uncomfortable with the amount of weaponry being put on show as they walked down the street. Deacon had already changed into a Diamond City Security uniform, complete with swatter.

'So, we visiting Piper now?' Deacon swung the swatter experimentally.

'Yep.' Nick agreed and eyed up Strong, trying to figure out how they could do this as they approached the gates. 'See if the dame knows or has heard anything.'

'She's Thea's girlfriend.' Preston agreed. 'Would make sense if they sent a ransom note to her.'

'Or if she knew what our little Professor was up to the other day.' Deacon agreed.

A shot rang over their heads and bit into the ground in front of Strong which caused the other three - humans and synth alike - to jump back in alarm. 'HEY!' Nick yelled. 'He's with me! We're walking here!'

'Sorry Mr Valentine!' A voice called from an upper window. 'Didn't know you were with him.'

Nick grumbled. They were off to a wonderful start and they hadn't even made it into the city yet. Thankfully, the walk to the gates was devoid of any more warning shots. There were still plenty of people staring, hands on guns as they approached the city itself which unnerved Preston. Nick could see it in his uptight posture and the way he fidgeted constantly with the radio strapped to his chest. Come to that, it unnerved Nick. Trying to dig a bullet out of your servos is as exactly as fun as it sounded. They took it nice and slow towards the speakers and watched to see what the security would do, itchy trigger fingers and all.

'Yeah?' Came the exasperated voice of Danny Sullivan from the battered old system.

'It's Nick Valentine, Danny. I'd like to get let in.' The synth replied smoothly. 'We've got something we need to discuss.'

'I don't like the sound of that.' Sullivan sighed.

'You're not going to like the look of it, either.' Nick Valentine replied, his glowing amber eyes looked back towards Strong who was industriously picking his nose as Preston watched in disgust.

Danny Sullivan looked up from his desk at the gates and moaned as Nick led Strong into the shade. 'I told her not to bring him back!'

'It's not Thea you're dealing with here, Danny, it's me.' Nick reminded him, a plateau of calm and reasonableness. Nick usually felt sorry for Sullivan. The man had a tough job even without Nick living in the city. There were still calls for them to throw Valentine out on his synthetic ass, after all.

'He makes the residents nervous!' Danny replied. 'He's a super mutant!'

'And pretty proud of it.' Deacon chuckled.

Danny focused on him for a second. He seemed to recognise the uniform but not the person wearing it. 'Do I know you?'

'Uh just joined. I offered to escort them through Diamond City….sir.' Deacon lied. 'They just wanted to go to Publick Occurances. He seems pretty well behaved for a super mutant.'

'And we've got a Minuteman with us.' Nick chipped in trying to ignore the way Preston was still watching Strong in fascinated disgust and trying not to go near him as he continued to industriously pick his nose.

For a second, Sullivan looked like he wasn't buying it and the questions were about to start - Nick genuinely hoped to keep the fact their blue angel was missing to himself, it was bad for settlements and people alike - but then Sullivan sighed heavily. 'Just keep him out of sight?'

Nick nodded and hurried Strong on as fast as he could before the man decided to question what the four of them were doing together without Thea being anywhere nearby. He knew Strong was smart - for a super mutant - but he didn't know if Strong knew the concept of things to keep quiet - like the fact their Survivor was missing. 'Are you alright, Sullivan?' Preston asked carefully as they hurried on up the stairs.

'No.' Danny bemoaned. 'Piper's damn article on the mayor being a synth just hit the stands. I've been dealing with angry people all day.'

Preston winced and then laid a hand on his shoulder. 'It'll get better, Danny.'

'I hope so, Garvey.' He sighed as Preston chased after Nick, Strong and Deacon.

Out in the market, people were buzzing and the security was out in force. This was not good. What worked in their favour was that Publick Occurrences was right beside the gate. Less exposure time for Strong and less chance of an ugly mob.

Surprisingly, Nat was not on her - literal - soapbox, selling the papers, Nick had to push his way into the publishing house itself to find her carefully printing off more copies and cursing up a storm over the mechanical brunt of the printer.

'I don't think Piper would like to hear you repeat those words.' Nick said loudly over the machine, which made Nat jump and turn. 'Hey, Valentine!' She smiled and the smile only ever grew wider as Preston, Deacon and Strong shuffled into the small shack. Kids were so much easier. So much more trusting than the adults. The kids of Diamond City never had a problem with what Nick Valentine or Strong - unlike their parents.

'Hey kiddo.' Deacon gave her a smile. 'Remember me?'

'What are you wearing?!' Nat chortled. 'You look like such a dork, shades.'

Deacon glanced down at himself and then up at her in mock horror. 'I'll have you know this is the height of fashion!'

'Is Piper in?' Preston asked. 'We really need to see her.'

Nat's smile fell. 'Nah, she said she had something to do and she'd be back in a week or so. I asked her if it was a story, but she wouldn't tell me.'

Nick tried not to let his eyebrows float in surprise.

'Writer lady gone too?!' Strong growled. 'Now what?'

* * *

'Ha! That's five raiders to me!' Hancock cocked his sawn-off and smirked at the Paladin. 'Losing your touch, Danse?'

'No.' The Brotherhood Paladin replied unhappily. 'We're meant to keep some of them alive for interrogation. It's difficult to interrogate people with no heads, ghoul.'

'Oh. Yeah.' Hancock conceded and nudged the splattered body missing it's head - but he rallied flawlessly. 'Less ghoul, more mayor - thank you.'

'You two done sizing each other up?' Cait commented as she came up behind them. 'Cause it isn't helping. Besides - I got seven. I win.'

'Yeah?' MacCready appeared from the other side of the building. 'Well I got seven and a live one.' He dumped the pained, squealing raider onto the floor. 'He's missing his kneecap and crying like a baby though, so we'll make that seven and a half.'

Cait glowered.

Back Street Apparel had never seen carnage like this, not on this scale. Thea was usually happy to let the stragglers run after making her point - which was probably why the raiders kept coming back after a decent length of time. The four had decided to try here because it was on a familiar route to and from Diamond City - and they all knew very well that Thea was frequently travelling to Diamond City to visit Piper and vice versa.

'Go MacCready.' Hancock whistled appreciatively. 'Kicking ass and taking names. Knew there was a reason I liked you.'

The four people who normally wouldn't have even spoken to each other surrounded the sobbing raider laid on the grimy rug. Cait cracked her knuckles ominously; Hancock rested his sawn-off easily in his hands. Danse loomed and MacCready grinned horribly.

'Ten caps says he knows where they're keeping her.' Hancock bet.

'Wherever it is, it obviously isn't here.' Danse noted and glanced around at the carnage the four of them had wrought to Back Street Apparel.

'Let's break a few limbs for starters, eh?' Cait decided ominously. 'He'll tell us where they're keeping her.'

The raider whined pathetically.

Hancock tipped his head. 'Well, that's a hell of a way to go for starters, but they _do_ say go big or go home.'

* * *

A/N: Update! Three pronged! The companions. The poor companions. They do so like to start petty arguments and bullshit competitions.


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